Fear and Self Doubt

Two of the strongest words against you out there are fear and self doubt. Yes, I know thats really three words, but you know what I mean. There are so many different fears out there. I’m strictly talking about fears that cause self doubt.

Today I’m really struggling. I’ve been writing ever since I can remember. I wrote poetry, short stories, novels, and everything in between. It’s been a passion since I can remember. I wrote my first poem, that I remember, when I was 6 years old. I remember reading it and thinking, this, THIS is what I want to be doing.

So where in life did I come up with the fear that what I write just isn’t good enough to be read? I don’t remember feeling that way when I originally wrote. I remember entering contests fearlessly, I remember writing stuff for friends, I remember writing stuff for events; so what happened?

I don’t know that I have the answer to that. I’ve always been strong enough to have someone read what I’ve written and critique it. Criticism is there to help you get better. I know this. People reading to give me feedback know this. I better my writing every time I have someone read it. So then why, why am I so scared to put it up for publication? Why can’t I seem to take that next step.

I feel like I keep coming up with excuses. I just don’t have the money right now. Well that’s true, but there are so many ways out there to raise the money. If I wanted it bad enough I’d just do it right? So what’s stopping me?! Time is always an issue, but then again I can make time. Time is just an excuse to keep myself from actually doing something. I love to write. I love to read. I’m hung up on getting my own stuff out.

Am I afraid of rejection? I don’t think so. I can take someone not liking my writing. It’s not going to be for everyone. People are going to find fault with it and I’m sure there are quite a few plot holes in there somewhere. Perfection doesn’t happen overnight and sometimes it doesn’t happen at all.

Writing isn’t a perfect craft.

Lately I have a lot of doubts. Why would I publish it? Do I want to? Is it good enough?

While I don’t have all or ever really any of the answers for myself. I can give this advise.

If you feel your craft is worthwhile, if you feel that what you are doing is perfection; don’t doubt yourself.

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The Spider and the Girl

Well. I’ve had some really weird dreams in my life. Evidently they are weirder when on a pill of radioactive iodine. So anyway, I’m terrified of spiders, but more of being isolated. I was worried about not being able to really interact with my family and felt really lonely. So that all came out in my dreams. I dreamt that a spider bit me and became radioactive. it grew to the size of a human and started talking to me. Even though I was afraid of it I wanted someone to talk to that could be in my room so I made it go in to the corner so we could talk. I also kept spraying it with water so there’s that too. Anyway… I decided to write a quick short story about it. So this is a non stop, unedited story. It took me about 2 hours to come up with so I hope you enjoy.

Amelia sat waiting for the medicine to take hold. Five days, just less than a week with no contact. She felt she was on an island, drifting. They said it was like a vacation, they didn’t even know her at all. Amelia thrived on contact, on company of others, on embraces. She was just told there would be none of that for at least five days. There was a gate put up separating her from her family and pets. Over the gate she could see and talk, but had to remain seven feet back from every thing living. She looked around her room for the next five days. On the floor sat a mattress with a blanket and sheets on it, there was a TV set up for her to have some form of entertainment and a table ready for her to eat and drink. Everything would have to be on paper products and plastic throw away things. Not too big of a deal, but she was still restricted on eating. Yeah this was going to suck. 

The first wave of nausea hit full force. Amelia hated feeling sick, even if she knew that she wouldn’t actually throw up. She lay down on the bed and closed her eyes willing herself to sleep and ignore everything for now. Her body succumbed to a light slumber without dreams. 

On the stairwell the puppy and cat looked over through the gate. It hadn’t been there before and they were quite confused. The cat spotted something crawling across the floor. He attempted to get through the gate, but hearing a quiet moan from the other side he stopped, glaring at the thing crawling toward the wall opposite the bed where his owner was laying down. The puppy sighed and lay down at the gate. The cat’s tail twitched, but she didn’t feel like chasing today. She would wait for the mrs to wake up, they she would get pets and cuddles. 

Amelia woke to the sound of voices. Her son stood at the top of the stairs on the other side of the gate. “HI MOM” he was so cheerful, must have been a good day.

“We played outside a little bit today. OH and guess what?” He waited for a response.

Seeing his waiting there with an expectant smile, “Oh? What?” She smiled as he moved from foot to foot on the other side of the gate. There was so much space. Her smile became forced. No hugs tonight. 

“We painted seashells! We’re doing Aloha week at school!” He was so excited. He continued talking while she waited. 

“Hey.” She looked past her son standing at the stairs to see the smiling face of her husband. 

“Hi!” she looked up waiting for the kiss that wasn’t going to come. He was too far away. This was really going to suck. “How was today.”

He smiled and ushered one son down the stairs with the puppy and cat then came back up.

“I need to make dinner. What did you want to eat?” He looked back down the stairs, his other son was walking up to help out.

“I’m not hungry, but some pork would be nice. I can’t have too much.” He nodded and turned to walk in to the kitchen. 

She turned on the TV and listened to the talking in the kitchen and the sounds of the video game coming from the basement. The puppy was currently trying to chase the cat. She smiled, the sounds comforted her. One night down, just four more to go. 

The next day found Amelia alone. One son was off to daycare, the other was out walking the puppy, and her husband was off to work. The house was quiet, something that never happens with pets and kids in the house. She sighed. Someone to talk to was pretty easy to come by, all she had to do was call. It’s just not what she wanted. She wanted someone in the room with her, a companion. Isolation was lonely. 

The day went by quickly and soon everyone was home again. Again, her son told her about his day from the other side of the gate and her husband talked briefly before starting dinner and then ushering everyone downstairs and away. They could talk using their phones and computers, but it wasn’t the same. Not being able to tuck her son in and hug everyone before bed was weighing on her a lot. There were still four more days of no contact. That night before going to bed she sat on the landing, back against the wall and just listened to the conversations and TV downstairs. She didn’t need to see what they were watching or doing. She just wanted to hear it for now. 

That night she went to sleep. The cat came upstairs keeping an eye on the creature that was crawling on the floor yet again. He really wanted to get in the room. His charge was not a fan of things that crawled or small things that flew. She often screamed at them until he came upstairs to see if she needed saving or not. If it was worth his time he would help. This thing was getting a little closer to his charge than he liked. His tail swished before he turned and disappeared in to the house. 

The creature crawled closer and closer to the person laying down on the floor. If its on the floor it was ok to bite right? It wasn’t moving so it wouldn’t hit. Closer. Closer. Closer. Careful. Careful. Careful. BITE

Something was happening. It was changing. Growing, and thinking. 

“What is happening? Oh my God I just thought! I did it again! What is this?” It turned seeing the walls of the house. Bigger and bigger it grew but the body wasn’t changing. Eight legs surrounded it, eyes seeing color and objects for the first time. Something was happening to it’s head. Thoughts raced in and out. Logic, understanding, feelings ran rampant through it. Is this what it was like to be human? Was it human now? It had always been a spider. Could it still spin a web? What would that look like now? Movement was coming from the bed. Startled it moved and tried to hide itself behind the chair in the room. It was early morning so the house was still pretty still. 

Movement started around the house. Coffee was brewing, breakfast was being made, lunches were started. Today was day three. Amelia woke and listened to all of the things going on around the house. It appeared they woke late. Everyone was running around. Quick Good Bye’s were thrown over the gate as everyone ran out the door.

“UGH! It’s so lonely today. I’m so bored. I can only watch so much TV.” She paced the room thinking of what to do today.

“I can talk with you.” the spider replied from behind the chair.

Amelia stopped dead in her pace. She was facing the window and the voice spoke from behind her. “Who is there?” She was trembling. She heard no one come in and all the doors were locked. She had been pacing and saw no one in the room. 

The spider crawled out from behind the chair. It was roughly the size of a small child. “Don’t worry. I can’t hurt you. At least I don’t think I can.”

Amelia slowly turned around. Her eyes widened as she saw a giant spider. “OH MY GOD!” She screamed and promptly fainted. 

“Well that went well.” The spider crawled up to the woman. “She doesn’t have any swatters, sprays, or shoes. She can’t squish me.” It looked around. “What do I do with her? I can’t pick her up and put her on her bed. I guess I’ll just have to wait till she wakes up.”

Amelia woke up slowly. Her brain was slow to catch on. When it did, she jolted and looked around the room. There standing behind her was a large eight legged spider. She was too tired, too sick feeling, and too lonely to think about what she was about to do next. She took a deep breath. “Ok, so there is a child sized spider in my house. I don’t remember even seeing that they get human sized. So this could be a problem.” She spoke aloud but to herself. Amelia got up, walked to the gate, climbed over it, and went in to the kitchen. 

The spider could hear her moving around. It could hear water running and things clanging around. “Human, what are you doing?” No answer came, so the spider crawled around the room testing out his eight legs and his newfound sight and understanding. “Humans are so fascinating. What are all of these things and what are they used for?” He looked at the desk, chair, TV, fireplace. He suddenly felt a tingling all over his body. “What is this?” He tired to see the human. She was holding something in her hands Her stance was odd too. She stood with her feet apart and her hands holding some contraption. Something was coming from it.

“Well shit. That didn’t work.” She slumped to the ground with her right had on her head her left holding a spray bottle.

“What did you just do?” The confused spider turned to face the human. “I feel odd.”

“You’re wet. This has water. I don’t know what to do here. I sprayed you.”

“Well stop it.” the spider shuffled forward. 

The hair on the back of Amelia’s neck stood on end. She gulped and scrambled around the spider. She turned her body to the window and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath again and spoke, “Ok. So how did this happen? What are we going to do now? You’re too big to really go anywhere.”

The spider thought. “Well I was hoping for a small bit to eat so I bit you. Then I…” It’s voice dropped off as he heard a sound. It was coming from the human.

Amelia was laughing. Between full on laughter she was able to speak. “So you’re the opposite of spider man.”

The spider was quite confused. “I’m unsure of your meaning.”

Amelia took the next hour explaining about Spider Man and super heroes; she then took another hour trying to explain the difference between real and fake. 

“So this radi… radio… “

“Radiation” Amelia supplied amused.

“Yes. That’s why I am this way?”

“I guess so yes.”

“And how do I get back?”

Amelia paused. “I don’t know.” 

The spider began to move into her peripheral vision. She tensed. It smelled her fear. Stopping its advance it spoke. “Human.”

“Amelia. My name is Amelia.”

“Amelia, I have to talk to you.”

Amelia took another breath. “Fine, but go to the corner back there and stay. I’ll stay looking at the window here.”

“That sounds lonely.” The spider replied, but did as it was told and walked back to the corner. Once there it spoke again. “So tell me about all of this stuff in here.” 

The rest of the day Amelia and the spider spoke about anything and everything. They learned about each other and the spider learned about all the objects while telling her about their lives as spinners. 

Amelia heard a door close. “Quick! You have to hide.”

The spider turned this way and that looking for a place. “Where? I’m a giant eight legged thing!”

Amelia laughed. “Behind the chair again. No one can come in here.” 

Her voiced sounded sad at that. The spider wondered at her change of tone. It would ask later. 

“Hi mom!” a small child appeared at the gate. The spider observed the interaction between the child and the woman he learned was named Amelia. They talked about weird things like dying shirts and playing on a playground. A larger human came up.

“Hey mom. You feeling ok?” Again another conversation happened. Something about games and demons and dungeons. Humans have weird things happen to them during the day. It sounded dangerous to be one. The spider listened carefully, gathering up information. The humans were interesting. They were a family. The children didn’t leave the home right away and  Amelia and her husband lived together. It was odd, their lives were so long. Amelia and her husband were more than ancient and their children were elders. Years and years they lived! It was amazing! 

“Hey, guys! Downstairs. I’m going to talk to mom and then I’ll make dinner.” A large human appeared. In the past the spider would have run away. There was no where to go. It listened as another conversation happened about food and about going to some cafe when Amelia was better. 

Soon the house settled down. Spider walked about from behind the chair. Amelia gasped but turned toward the window and watched TV from the side. The spider watched her for a long while. “You’re scared of me.” It said finally.

Amelia tensed but nodded in agreement. 

“Humans tend to scream when I’m around.” As the spider talked it tingled again. Looking up it saw Amelia with a spray bottle. Her eyes were closed and she was standing in some battle like form. “Would you stop that. Water obviously doesn’t work. Spraying me only makes my fur wet and me angry.”

Amelia turned and sunk to the floor again. “Sorry. It’s a habit.” 

The house settled down. The spider and Amelia talked again until she was too tired and went to sleep. While she slept the spider thought. “I’m still here, but for how much longer? She says that she only has a couple more days until she’s free from this room. I wonder if there is some barrier keeping her in here?” He searched the room looking for something to break the barrier. 

Morning of the fourth day came. Amelia woke up feeling great. She thought she would have been lonely but so far her days were great! She had someone to talk to right in the room with her. That day Amelia and the spider spoke about what they would do that day. They talked about what would happen in the future and when isolation was up. Spider asked about her family and Amelia happily told it everything it asked about. The day went by again really fast. Amelia was in good spirits. The next day she was going to be able to have fun with her family. 

That evening spider watched as everyone got excited about Amelia returning to have fun with them. Spider felt oddly. It would appear this would be the last night they would get to talk. 

Night fell and the house fell quiet. Spider came out. Amelia was already sitting on the makeshift bed facing the window.

“Spider? Do you have a name? I’m so horrible I didn’t even ask.”

Spider chuckled. “We are not born with a name. Spider is fine.”

“Oh I see. I guess you aren’t used to being around this long.” Amelia shifted a little bit.

Spider watched her from its corner. “No. It’s ok though.” It shifted. “I should start finding a way out of here.”

Amelia looked down at her hands. “It would appear so.” Her tone was sad. 

Spider learned so much from this family. They were emotional and easy to read. They had many emotions and they varied. It learned fear, sadness, happiness, content, but the emotion it felt right now it couldn’t name. “So what would you like to talk about tonight?”

Amelia was quiet “Spider?” She heard it turn behind her. She flinched but powered on. “Come here.”

Spider was a bit worried. The human sprayed him more than once. It shifted and came around to face her. Amelia looked at it and smiled. “There now we can have a conversation.”

They talked about getting spider out of the house. They talked about where she worked and her going back. They talked about all the life things. Spider felt content for the first time in its life. They talked until the morning. Amelia turned around as the sounds of everyone waking up came through the house. She smiled. The gate was down. The cat walked up first cuddling and side eying the spider. The puppy came in next hopping around and nipping at the spider’s legs. Amelia laughed and shoed them both out of the room. She turned to spider. “Come on. We can get you out the garage.” 

She opened the door and helped spider out. Spider turned to her. “Thank you I …”

Spray fell on it from the bottle. “Seriously?” Even as the spider spoke it realized it was becoming smaller. It looked up at Amelia one last time. She smiled and closed the door. The spider scurried away from the house.

“Bye Spider. Take care.”

Amelia walked in the house to hug her family.

 

There it is!!! Hope you enjoyed!!!!

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Ramblings

I’m attempting to get back to my writing. But I’ve found my thoughts scattered. I’m doing many things at once and my thoughts race around and around my head chasing each other. I have so many different plot lines and characters I can tend to get them a bit confused. My characters are so confused and have so many personalities at this point they are going to need therapy.

I could probably write a book just on that! Yesterday I couldn’t find the energy to write. Today I have it but I’ve found myself erasing more than writing. I think I’ve sat here about an hour and have written a total of 1500 words and kept three of them. THREE! I guess that’s better than no words kept.

Anyway, I put my work aside to write out my thoughts here. Have you ever had to summarize a piece of your own work? For that matter have you ever had to summarize for someone else your favorite book? it’s really hard! There is no great way to do it. You’re so excited and the words all jumble together. Your thoughts crash into each other and the letters cascade down like a firework just shot off; though it’s missing the ooooh’s and ahhhhh’s.

I’m hoping that by writing out these ramblings I can actually get my thoughts straight enough to write. So today I’m working on an old project I let go many years ago. It’s an interesting plot about two deities that were cast out of the heavens. They live life on Earth trying to protect each other from their harsh reality. Sometimes it’s better to forget to move on. If one forgets everything though, is it ever truly forgotten forever? Can dreams and flashbacks really just be your conscienceless trying to piece together remnants of a past life? Remnants of a past love? Can anyone ever truly ever really forget who and what they were?

The answers to these is what I attempted to write out. So far it’s worked, though I did write half of it while running a pretty high fever. you can tell as you read it. It gets pretty weird. Anyway… I’m hoping to go through it today and straighten it all out. One thing I have never been able to do is truly give up anything I’m writing. I love to write and it’s my passion.

Passions are odd things. They can be all consuming one moment and absent another. it would seem it isn’t a passion when spoken about that way. But writing is never far from my mind. What I’m saying is many days I can fight the urge to drop everything and write, but there are many that I cannot. It’s so easy to get lost in a world I’ve created with people and things that do whatever I tell them to do. They are as independent as I want them to be, as caring as I make them, and evil as I want them to be. The weather will always match the scene which tends to match my mood. The places are always beautiful and exotic even when they are in ruin and destruction.

There are times where I’d rather be lost in a book or in my writing than living in the real world. Many can empathize with this I’m sure. Who wants to live in the real world when you can slip into a story and live in a fairytale?

But alas the real world beckons and it’s time to go back to reality. I’ve got a bit of housework still calling my name and when I’m done with all that I’m hoping to get back to writing.

Thanks for sticking with my rambling today!! Sometimes I just need to get all the weird thoughts out of my head!!  🙂

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Let’s Have Some Fun

So I was thinking of what I was going to do while in isolation. I figured it was time to really get down to playing with my writing. Perfect time right? I mean it only took having thyroid cancer, getting it removed in two surgeries, and then taking radioactive iodine for me to get back in to writing. Most people don’t need that much motivation.

I think for me writing has always been an outlet; something I love doing, but only get motivated to do when my emotions are at their extreme. So why is this? Why do I feel like I can only write when I feel there is nothing else? That answer came pretty simply. I’m relaxed, I’m not being nagged, and everything else is being taken care of for me right now. So I’m writing.

So now what? How do I do this more often? What are my motivators? Well… also easy to answer. I write. I make time; can’t keep saying “I’m too busy” to write. My motivation is simply because I want to.

Great all the answer in the world are right above. Well… not quite. There are many things I can’t answer, and right now those things just don’t matter. I’ll figure them out eventually I’m sure.  Until then… let’s have a little fun.

I was thinking about writing emotions. Every book I’ve ever read made me feel a certain way. Yesterday I started thinking, can I read something and not feel anything at all?  The answer came pretty quickly. No, not unless I didn’t like the book; and at that point I just wouldn’t read it. So that got me thinking how do I do that in my own writing? How do I invoke a certain reaction I’d like my reader to feel? So I started experimenting. Let’s see if it works out. You’ll have to tell me!!!

I’ll start pretty simple. It’s just one scene, written different ways to see if the reaction is there. I know how I feel about it, I’m writing it. But how do you feel? It’s a simple thunderstorm, written a few different ways just to flex my creative muscle.

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Photo Cred: Erik L White

She walked outside to see lightening flicker across the sky. Turning back inside, she closed the door.

See? Pretty simple scene. It doesn’t really make you feel anything at all right? Let’s try this one.

She shuddered. Her senses were telling her something was coming. Looking out to the sky she saw a flicker of light. There was a storm on the horizon. The thunder rumbled causing her to hold on to herself. She gulped and took a deep breath. Lightening flashed brightly before her eyes, she flinched. Walking away from the window she cowered near the couch. Putting her hands over her head, she struggled as the world outside broke into a chaos she was not ready to weather.

A better picture painted. You can tell she’s afraid of storms. But does it actually make you feel anything? The language is still pretty simple, but the picture is there. Let’s try again.

Lightening flickered playfully across the sky. The thunder answered giving a beat the the storm about to happen. She walked out the door and looked up at the sky smiling. The clouds rolled as she stepped out to the middle of the grassy field. A smile broke out on her face as the lightening cascaded across the sky once again. The thunder called to her. The storm was a bit playful this time. Giddy with excitement she rose her hands towards the sky, ready to play along. Her face upturned, her eyes closed; she looked brilliant as the rain began to come down. She twirled, laughing in delight as the world broke around her.

So much description in just a simple paragraph. The language is still simple, no huge words nothing complex about it. I like this one the best though.

So this is my challenge for you, tell me what you think about the three different scenes, and of course paint your own. Even if you don’t write it out, draw it, perform it. See if you can evoke an emotion different than how you feel about it. I’m terrified of storms, yet my favorite scene is one where the girl loves them. I almost could do what she’s doing, just because it sounds like fun!

Anyway… stay tuned!!  I’ll write more tomorrow. Not about storms though, maybe some of Behind Crossed Lines. I need to get it prepped to actually edit it properly.

Until tomorrow then…

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Motivation? Venting? Maybe just a hello

It’s been so long since I wrote anything on here. I have a few short stories written and published here, I’ve been working on editing Dangerous Beauty, Behind Crossed Lines, and The Queen’s Portal/Malei/Untitled (depending on when you were following or reading) So tonight I just need to vent a little bit.

I’ve been working on Dangerous Beauty on and off since my oldest son was about 5 years old; he is now 16! It’s been a love/hate relationship, a time sucker, and an emotional rollercoaster. My characters have grown just as much as I have grown as a writer. I’m writing this now with a determination to finally publish this book.

I’ll tell you now, I gave up on this book so many different times. I pushed it to the side, thew ACTUAL hand written pages of it in the trash, and even tried deleting it from my computer. I absolutely LOVE and LOATHE this book. It’s literally the hardest thing I have ever written; but I realized something recently: WRITING IS THE EASY PART!

I can literally create an entire race of beings, full settings, entire worlds, rules, no rules, conflicts, and action out of thin air. My characters and descriptions are so believable I can actually dream about them, and I have! Writing was the easy part; publishing is the hardest thing I have ever tackled.

I have to come up with money to edit, money to publish, money to promote, and money to compensate for all the time I’m working on these books. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to write, I love to tell stories, and I love to entertain. I am just not the biggest fan of attempting to save money for all the other stuff.

I’ve had some other bumps keeping me from being able to raise the money too. I’m too shy (YES SHY) about asking for money to help out. People say “Oh just do GoFundMe or IndyGoGo or any other number of funding to help out” Ideally this would be great, but I honestly don’t even know where to start and feel bad asking about it. I mean I’m supposed to ask for help funding my project then ask you to put up MORE money to actually buy the book so I can make money? This doesn’t make sense to me… and it baffles me to no end.

Shyness and inability to know where to start aren’t the only things that have gotten in my way recently. Money has to go to so many places right now. Cars break down, house needs small repairs (LOTS OF SMALL REPAIRS) I have a teenager and a youngster that need clothes and shoes and school stuff and extra other little things, AND the kicker, medical bills.

In fact, it’s the reason behind those medical bills that got me back to writing. I recently had to have surgery for Thyroid Cancer. Cancer is the scariest word in the medical field, at least I think so. I was very lucky, they were able to do two different surgeries to remove my thyroid. I’m now waiting for the healing process so I can take one dose of a radioactive iodine pill to hopefully remove any remains of cancer cells. THEN it’s just LOTS of blood work to check my hormone levels and medicine everyday for the rest of my life. It’s a balancing act that can cause a lot of weird small problems that are easily fixed by adjusting the dosage of the medicine. Those of you that have had this done know what I’m talking about! While it was the easiest of the cancers to have, it’s still terrifying to be told “You have cancer”

So I got to thinking, I got lucky this time around. It was removable, I’ll survive this one. But WHAT IF there is a next time? WHAT IF something comes back or spreads? These are my NOW questions. I have these three books I’ve written and say “Sure I’ll get it published” but I guess I’ve just never motivated myself into doing it. I guess it’s a weird thing to be motivated by, but it’s what’s motivating me right now.

So I can say, with confidence, I WILL FIND A WAY to get this book in your hands! Right now I’m trying to find a way to get up some money to pay for the editing. So while I do that, I’m hoping to write a few more short stories and get them up here. I MAY even write some based on characters I already have in these books! So be looking for it!

 

Until next time!!!

Laughter, love, and hugs

J.M. White

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It’s Been So Long…

Hello again!!! Yes I know… It’s been a while. It’s ok though. I’ve been working on writing! Well not entirely, but mostly… Maybe semi-mostly? So anyway here is what HAS been going on. I think I’ve finally got Dangerous Beauty where I want it now. It’s only taken me  10 years to get it there. I’ll be posting more of that under Dangerous Beauty. I’m also going to reorganize this blog a bit. Right now stuff is … well kind of everywhere! I’m usually a lot more organized than this… I promise! I also have written Behind Crossed Lines, which has a LOT of work that needs done on it before I even let someone read it for content correction. The last two years I’ve been working on a large project.

This project is a trilogy!! I’ve never attempted to write anything like this before, but the story just kind of grew out of what just one book can handle. So I’m writing three!! So far book one is proving to be pretty good. I’ve had to do some research, which I’ve never had to do. Typically I create the entire world, the people, the flora, the fauna, everything is my own creation. This time around it isn’t just my creation. I’m using real life places and real life situations with a spin of fiction added to my reality. It has been one crazy ride!

I’ve been working on short stories too!! You can see some of my work on here of course, but I’m working on more. I may be moving some poetry over here too. I’ll add up links on everything I’m doing when I get the chance to do it. So keep coming by and checking things out.

So what’s my next thing? Yep I’m working on other stuff besides my poetry, short stories, and novels. So my next thing is a combined project with my dear hubby. 😉 We’ll be, hopefully, working on some fun children’s stories!! I can’t wait to get that all started!

So while I go on with a few other things tonight… Here is a taste of Malei.

“Uncle Abraham!” It wasn’t a dream. She jumped into his arms. She had missed him so much. It had literally been years since she had last seen him, and she was afraid of never seeing him again. She hugged him for all her worth. Then she remembered. She grabbed his shoulder, using her weight she swung around his back and wrapped her other arm around him before he could react. She flipped him over her own shoulder and then slammed him onto the floor. He hit with a loud grunt. She looked furious.

“You are here?” She looked with fury down at Abraham. He was struggling to re catch his breath after having the wind knocked out of him. She surprised him. The entire room was silent. No one really knew what to do. Their future queen just slammed their General into the ground. “You knew?!” this came out more forced and much higher pitched than she had hoped to do.

She let him up, then punched him square in the jaw. His head whipped back with the force. “You ass!” She screamed at him. If Abraham wasn’t shocked before, he was certainly shocked now. Joseph couldn’t even let out a disapproving glance or say a word at the very unladylike display. Adrenaline rushing through her, she launched herself at Abraham landing quick punches before he could deflect them.

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Serenity Now


Lounging on a bench looking at all the nature around me. Quiet. There’s a light breeze on a hot day. It’s a perfect setting for writing. 

Writing will have to wait though. ☺️ 

Today I’m going to give you a brief update on Dangerous Beauty while I wait for my family to catch up. I FOUND a beta to give me VERY critical feedback and I ADORE her for it. A HUGE thank you to Laura for giving me a reason to keep going and make it better!!! It will be coming out I promise you guys. Just patiently wait a bit longer!! 

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