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Motivation? Venting? Maybe just a hello

It’s been so long since I wrote anything on here. I have a few short stories written and published here, I’ve been working on editing Dangerous Beauty, Behind Crossed Lines, and The Queen’s Portal/Malei/Untitled (depending on when you were following or reading) So tonight I just need to vent a little bit.

I’ve been working on Dangerous Beauty on and off since my oldest son was about 5 years old; he is now 16! It’s been a love/hate relationship, a time sucker, and an emotional rollercoaster. My characters have grown just as much as I have grown as a writer. I’m writing this now with a determination to finally publish this book.

I’ll tell you now, I gave up on this book so many different times. I pushed it to the side, thew ACTUAL hand written pages of it in the trash, and even tried deleting it from my computer. I absolutely LOVE and LOATHE this book. It’s literally the hardest thing I have ever written; but I realized something recently: WRITING IS THE EASY PART!

I can literally create an entire race of beings, full settings, entire worlds, rules, no rules, conflicts, and action out of thin air. My characters and descriptions are so believable I can actually dream about them, and I have! Writing was the easy part; publishing is the hardest thing I have ever tackled.

I have to come up with money to edit, money to publish, money to promote, and money to compensate for all the time I’m working on these books. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to write, I love to tell stories, and I love to entertain. I am just not the biggest fan of attempting to save money for all the other stuff.

I’ve had some other bumps keeping me from being able to raise the money too. I’m too shy (YES SHY) about asking for money to help out. People say “Oh just do GoFundMe or IndyGoGo or any other number of funding to help out” Ideally this would be great, but I honestly don’t even know where to start and feel bad asking about it. I mean I’m supposed to ask for help funding my project then ask you to put up MORE money to actually buy the book so I can make money? This doesn’t make sense to me… and it baffles me to no end.

Shyness and inability to know where to start aren’t the only things that have gotten in my way recently. Money has to go to so many places right now. Cars break down, house needs small repairs (LOTS OF SMALL REPAIRS) I have a teenager and a youngster that need clothes and shoes and school stuff and extra other little things, AND the kicker, medical bills.

In fact, it’s the reason behind those medical bills that got me back to writing. I recently had to have surgery for Thyroid Cancer. Cancer is the scariest word in the medical field, at least I think so. I was very lucky, they were able to do two different surgeries to remove my thyroid. I’m now waiting for the healing process so I can take one dose of a radioactive iodine pill to hopefully remove any remains of cancer cells. THEN it’s just LOTS of blood work to check my hormone levels and medicine everyday for the rest of my life. It’s a balancing act that can cause a lot of weird small problems that are easily fixed by adjusting the dosage of the medicine. Those of you that have had this done know what I’m talking about! While it was the easiest of the cancers to have, it’s still terrifying to be told “You have cancer”

So I got to thinking, I got lucky this time around. It was removable, I’ll survive this one. But WHAT IF there is a next time? WHAT IF something comes back or spreads? These are my NOW questions. I have these three books I’ve written and say “Sure I’ll get it published” but I guess I’ve just never motivated myself into doing it. I guess it’s a weird thing to be motivated by, but it’s what’s motivating me right now.

So I can say, with confidence, I WILL FIND A WAY to get this book in your hands! Right now I’m trying to find a way to get up some money to pay for the editing. So while I do that, I’m hoping to write a few more short stories and get them up here. I MAY even write some based on characters I already have in these books! So be looking for it!

 

Until next time!!!

Laughter, love, and hugs

J.M. White

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It’s Been So Long…

Hello again!!! Yes I know… It’s been a while. It’s ok though. I’ve been working on writing! Well not entirely, but mostly… Maybe semi-mostly? So anyway here is what HAS been going on. I think I’ve finally got Dangerous Beauty where I want it now. It’s only taken me  10 years to get it there. I’ll be posting more of that under Dangerous Beauty. I’m also going to reorganize this blog a bit. Right now stuff is … well kind of everywhere! I’m usually a lot more organized than this… I promise! I also have written Behind Crossed Lines, which has a LOT of work that needs done on it before I even let someone read it for content correction. The last two years I’ve been working on a large project.

This project is a trilogy!! I’ve never attempted to write anything like this before, but the story just kind of grew out of what just one book can handle. So I’m writing three!! So far book one is proving to be pretty good. I’ve had to do some research, which I’ve never had to do. Typically I create the entire world, the people, the flora, the fauna, everything is my own creation. This time around it isn’t just my creation. I’m using real life places and real life situations with a spin of fiction added to my reality. It has been one crazy ride!

I’ve been working on short stories too!! You can see some of my work on here of course, but I’m working on more. I may be moving some poetry over here too. I’ll add up links on everything I’m doing when I get the chance to do it. So keep coming by and checking things out.

So what’s my next thing? Yep I’m working on other stuff besides my poetry, short stories, and novels. So my next thing is a combined project with my dear hubby. 😉 We’ll be, hopefully, working on some fun children’s stories!! I can’t wait to get that all started!

So while I go on with a few other things tonight… Here is a taste of Malei.

“Uncle Abraham!” It wasn’t a dream. She jumped into his arms. She had missed him so much. It had literally been years since she had last seen him, and she was afraid of never seeing him again. She hugged him for all her worth. Then she remembered. She grabbed his shoulder, using her weight she swung around his back and wrapped her other arm around him before he could react. She flipped him over her own shoulder and then slammed him onto the floor. He hit with a loud grunt. She looked furious.

“You are here?” She looked with fury down at Abraham. He was struggling to re catch his breath after having the wind knocked out of him. She surprised him. The entire room was silent. No one really knew what to do. Their future queen just slammed their General into the ground. “You knew?!” this came out more forced and much higher pitched than she had hoped to do.

She let him up, then punched him square in the jaw. His head whipped back with the force. “You ass!” She screamed at him. If Abraham wasn’t shocked before, he was certainly shocked now. Joseph couldn’t even let out a disapproving glance or say a word at the very unladylike display. Adrenaline rushing through her, she launched herself at Abraham landing quick punches before he could deflect them.

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Serenity Now


Lounging on a bench looking at all the nature around me. Quiet. There’s a light breeze on a hot day. It’s a perfect setting for writing. 

Writing will have to wait though. ☺️ 

Today I’m going to give you a brief update on Dangerous Beauty while I wait for my family to catch up. I FOUND a beta to give me VERY critical feedback and I ADORE her for it. A HUGE thank you to Laura for giving me a reason to keep going and make it better!!! It will be coming out I promise you guys. Just patiently wait a bit longer!! 

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More to Come…

Well ladies and gentlemen….. Things are getting REAL!!!  Dangerous Beauty is getting ready for its publication!!! (excited squeal) I’ve been talking about this for so long! AND I’ve got a new site to direct to. You’re all along for the ride and it’s going to be one bumpy rollercoaster! I can’t wait though!!! It’s been a long road! Writing, rewriting, then writing again. It’s like beating a dead horse!!!  🙂

My rambling is just to tell you… thoughtsinwordsblog is being rebranded!!!!  You’ll be following onewritersthoughts instead!!!!

Stay tuned!!!

MORE TO COME!!!

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One in a Million

Thomas sat outside thinking. He did that a lot lately. His favorite thinking spot was a white stone bench under a weeping willow. She loved weeping willows. Thomas watched the people walking and running and bustling about their business. The world was passing right in front of his eyes in the fast motion sequence. Everything blurred into colored lines like the ones you get when you try to capture something animated but don’t have the right shutter stop. He stared unblinkingly at the people. They were all so colorful, they were all so busy, they were all so obviously. He continued watching. This had been going on for weeks. Thomas would go about his morning, leave his small apartment on the 5th floor, and walk to the park and sit and watch people for hours. What he was watching or waiting for even he didn’t know.

This morning it was cooler than normal. Thomas put on an overcoat and a hat. He pulled the collar up and tucked his head in, chin down to keep the wind out. He walked to the park and sat on his bench. He sighed. The same day, every day, people were just blurring past. Then it happened. One person was running past, but it was like he was running past in slow motion. Thomas blinked to clear his vision. Nope, it was a man running in slow motion while all the other people blurred around him. Thomas sat stunned as he watched. The man ran past his willow tree without a second glance. But Thomas knew he wasn’t just seeing things. This one meant something, this slow motion runner meant something. But he had to be sure. He would sit and wait. What he was waiting for he still didn’t know. But he sat and waited. After hours of watching people his eyes were nearly crossed. He was bored. Thomas sighed and was about to get up when a throat cleared behind him. He turned and looked up.

Standing there was the man from that morning, the slow motion runner as he took to thinking about him. “Is this seat taken?” the man asked while gesturing to the piece of bench beside Thomas. Thomas looked at the seat and then the man. Before his brain caught up with his words he scooted making room for this man to sit down. “Hello, I’m Kevin.” Kevin held out his hand for Thomas to shake. His face held a warm smile and his eyes twinkled kindly. Thomas took his hand to shake and replied, “Thomas, nice to meet you.” The both sat in companionable silence just watching the people pass them by.

Everyday for years the two would meet up and sit under the weeping willow. They shared their dreams, fears, laughter, and tears. Neither had ever had found someone they enjoyed talking to more. It would appear they were soul mates. They were fated to meet on that day. Thomas’ heart was overjoyed every time he would go to the park to meet up with Kevin. They never missed a day and were always overeager to talk. Thomas found that Kevin shared his love for British Literature and planned to travel around the world. Kevin found that Thomas was great at observation. When he looked at the people he just saw them running about their business, but when Thomas looked at people he saw something deeper. It was as if he could feel their very emotions. This was what Thomas did though. He was a psychiatrist. His job was to help people and he loved his job. Kevin was a writer. He loved helping people too but not in the same way. Every day he would return to his home and miss his friend. He often thought about asking him to move in with him but never got the courage. After all it was a million to one chance that he would get turned down. Thomas was busy with his work and his life. They only met at the park and would only be able to talk for a few hours before they would have to leave, well more preciously before Thomas had to leave. He thought he had odd hours and would make it a point to ask him about it one day. Still the odds were just not in his favor that he would find a great companion and share every moment with him. For now the meetings in the park would be fine. Thomas would leave the park and go to his office, meet up with his clients, and then go home. He kept odd hours, usually late afternoon and evenings. He got the working crowd that way. He missed his park companion though. Walking into his small dimly lit apartment just wasn’t as satisfying as it used to be.

Thomas woke one morning and felt light headed. He hoped he wasn’t getting the flu. He dressed, ate, and walked to the park to meet up with Kevin. When he got to the bench Kevin wasn’t there yet. He sat and watched the people pass him by for a while. A couple hours passed and Thomas began to worry. It wasn’t like he could leave and check on Kevin, he had no idea where he lived. He heard heavy footfalls nearby and turned. Kevin was running down the walkway toward him. Out of breath he stopped and put his hands on his knees. Thomas stood up. “What’s wrong?” He was clearly worried for his friend. Kevin looked up with shining eyes, “My book! It’s been published! I got someone to take it on!” Thomas was over excited for his friend. “Today we should drink to that. Let’s go across the street to the cafe and get a coffee. It’s on me!” He put his arm around Kevin’s shoulders and the two walked smiling and talking to the cafe. To anyone passing by they would just think that two friends were walking and sharing great news. To Kevin and Thomas they were sharing a million to one chance exchange. Kevin was finally getting his dream. He was being published. The two entered the cafe and talked till Thomas had to leave for work. Kevin returned home and that empty feeling filled him. Maybe now he could talk to Thomas and ask him if he’d like to move in.

The days went by with the two meeting up in the park and talking. Once in a while they would catch a meal. Kevin was becoming quieter and less enthusiastic  about their talks. Thomas decided it was time to confront his dear friend. “Kevin, you’ve been so quiet and withdrawn lately. Wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Kevin looked up at Thomas and realized that he just couldn’t tell him. “Oh don’t worry about it. It’s just family stuff. Nothing I want to talk about.” Thomas knew better and wanted to point that out but figured Kevin wasn’t telling him for a reason and he would come around eventually so he let it go. That night he went home and felt saddened. His friend wasn’t confiding in him and he had to return home to this small apartment. It was too much though to ask his friend to move in with him and it would be an imposition for him to ask to move in with Kevin. He sighed. He just wished his odds were better. It was after all a million to one that he would never find anyone else like Kevin but with those odds Kevin must have found someone else. If only he could just tell him.

Kevin’s book was released and it was a huge hit right away. Thomas shared in his excitement and helped him celebrate every step of the way. They had started meeting up at each other’s houses for movie nights, game nights, dinners, and just hanging out. Neither of them would actually ask the other to move in or for anymore than they were already sharing. After all odds were always against them right?

Thomas went to the weeping willow bench one day and Kevin was already seated there. He was just staring off. It was then that Thomas realized how old they were getting. Kevin’s hair was greying. His eyes were crinkled, and age lines were showing in his smile now. How long had it been? How long did they spend under this tree. He observed him for moments longer and thought it had to be his imagination. Kevin wasn’t that old, he himself was only fourty six. He walked over to the bench and sat down. Kevin looked over and smiled. “Hello friend.” Thomas smiled back. Today no words were spoken as they just sat and enjoyed each other and the fast paced world around them. Thomas cancelled his appointments for the day telling Kevin he could catch up later. The two would have a lazy day together. Kevin smiled. “You know, you’re just being lazy.” Thomas laughed. “You caught me. Now where should we go?” Kevin’s eyes lit up, “Let’s go to a play. I haven’t been in so long. Then we can go back to my house for dinner!” The two agreed. Back at Kevin’s house Thomas watched TV while Kevin cooked and chattered from the kitchen. He began to think, THIS must be what it’s like to be cared for, to be loved. He smiled and thought about the man cooking for him. You never knew who your companion in life would be, you went along waiting and watching. He was happy with their situation, but was this a relationship. He looked back at Kevin and smiled. He was still happily cooking away in the kitchen. For now, this would just be enough.

Days turned in to weeks, weeks turned in to months, months turned in to years. The two grew closer everyday. They shared everything and talked about everything. Thomas still left his apartment every morning and went to the park to meet with Kevin. Kevin would still call every night and ask Thomas over for a drink. Tonight Kevin was nervous. Thomas could feel the tension in the air, could probably cut it with a knife. “Kevin what’s wrong?” He reached out and touched his shoulder and Kevin nearly jumped out of his skin. He laughed a high pitched nervous laugh, “Nothing. Don’t worry about anything. I’m going to go get some crackers and cheese to go with the wine. Kevin disappeared in to the kitchen. Thomas watched his friend go with concern. He was hiding something. Kevin went to the kitchen and took a deep breath. He would ask him tonight. There was no getting away from it this time. He would just ask him to move in and that would be that. He got a tray of crackers and cheese and walked in to the living room. Thomas was the picture of health. He was fifty and looked as if he were not a day older than thirty. He envied that. He walked to the couch and sat, setting the tray on the table. “Thomas I have something to ask you.” Thomas turned to Kevin and raised an eyebrow in question. Kevin swallowed and said, “Can you watch the house for a week while I go out to town to visit family?” Thomas laughed, “You are nervous about asking me to watch your house?” He nodded and said he’d grab the mail and stay at the house while he was away, after all what are friends for? With that statement Kevin’s world seemed to crash around him. Right. A million to one chance.

Thomas watched Kevin leave the house. He would miss him. Somehow their friendship had grown into something stronger. It had morphed without his knowledge and he just needed to figure out how to tell Kevin. This week while he was gone he’d figure it out. He’d talk to him. Who knew maybe he even felt the same. Kevin walked away from his house feeling empty. He waved and smiled at Thomas as he left but his smile never reached his eyes. He just couldn’t keep faking it. He called his family to say he was coming home for a visit. But really he just needed to get away.

Thomas cleaned house and took in the mail. It was amazing being there everyday and taking care of things. He had a clear mind and knew just what he wanted to say to Kevin when he returned. For a whole week he didn’t go to the bench under the weeping willow. He would be at the house to greet Kevin. The day Kevin was supposed to reach home he text Thomas. “Meet me at the tree.” Thomas smiled. It was always at their tree. He took a deep breath and walked out he door. Chances were a million to one that nothing would come of their conversation, but there was that one chance.

He walked to the tree and saw Kevin standing under it looking at the bench. He walked closer to him and could see a single tear slide down his cheek. Thomas was alarmed. He walked quicker to Kevin and put his arms around him in a hug. Kevin was taken aback but returned the embrace. He hadn’t realized he had been crying. Thomas spoke, “Kevin you are my best friend, my solid companion, my soul mate. Move in with me?” Kevin laughed and agreed. He had been so afraid of that one chance, that one in a million chance. Thomas was afraid of the million chances that he took the one he wanted to take. They walked away from the weeping willow hand in hand.

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The Amazing Family Share Teaser

As promised….. just a little bit of a teaser to the script I wrote up. A small synopsis of the store and a character description. Up next……. figuring out how to film it and with whom!!! 🙂 Names are not set in stone.  😉 So what do you all think?!

THE AMAZING FAMILY SHARE SYNOPSIS

What really happens when you start family sharing on your devices? There are inner workings that are out of the scope of normal understanding. Experts are hired just to take phone calls to help with those pesky Family Share problems. But what REALLY happens when you add and remove family members?

Linda is a woman in her mid twenties. She’s got an unmatched love for all things technology. Her love has landed her a dream job of being able to work at home while answering technical questions. Her enthusiasm for life comes out in all of her interactions, whether they be her customers on the phone or her personal life. She has never been one to crumble under pressure and her office is her sacred place. No one is allowed in her office.

Bob is a middle aged father of three kids. His calm demeanor helps him manage technical devices with ease. Bob is the first to admit defeat and call for help when faced with a difficult problem, however, Bob isn’t as clueless as he may seem to be. His mother-in-law is the bane of his existence and all he wants is a quiet weekend to himself.

Mary is a middle aged mother of three and wife of Bob. She is a very soft spoken woman who knows how to run a house efficiently. She is level headed and cool under pressure although her methods for dealing with stress often make her seem a bit out of this world. She is always happy no matter what is going on.

Joel is a teenager just trying to live the most amazing life before he has to go off to college. While he loves his family he thinks his dad is out of touch and his mother is just plain crazy. No one can be that happy all the time. He’s not the best one to have around if anything is going to go wrong but his sense of humor and willingness to break any and all rules make him quite the handful.

Mackenzie AKA Kenzie is a vivacious six year old who loves her dolls and her little sister. She is hyper and always up for running circles around anyone. She is the light of her mother’s eye and the only person able to nearly pop a vein in Bob’s head.

Elizabeth AKA Lizzie is a two year old toddling along for the ride with her crazy family. She loves her daddy and is hardly ever far from him.

Mother-in-law is an elderly, spry woman who thinks her daughter married the person most wrong for her. She has made it her personal mission to do anything she can to sabotage him and make him miserable. Her daughter is the most perfect person on earth and unfortunately her grandson is turing out just like his father. She is often frowning and always attempting to get Mary to grab the girls and move home with her.

Noel (or whatever her name is) is a teenager that is never good under pressure and completely devoted to Joel.

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Growing Pains

I’ve been stretching my creative brain lately and working on new projects. I was doing short stories (and still am don’t worry), my novels (also still an ongoing project), and now took up the challenge of writing scripts for short movies!!! There is quite the learning curve though. I’m gathering that now. Writing a story I just have to get you to imagine everything. I give you JUST enough information to give you a picture while I take you on a full journey from beginning to end. There are twists, turns, loop de loops, and backwards rushes in those journeys but you are in it with me. When writing a script there are no surprises, you direct, you use dialog, and you have to have everything so precise. I never realized all that a writer of a script goes through. I commend those writers! You guys are amazing and I can only hope to accomplish just a small part of what you all do everyday!!! Anyway….. things they do have in common: they tell a story. I’m good at that. I can take you from step A to step B and then work my way through the alphabet entertaining you. A script does that as well on a more direct level. There is a tone of voice that has to be written in. Have you ever had to write a tone of voice?! It’s a lot harder than you think. I spent a lot of time thinking “How would I react to this? What are my facial expressions?  Am I agitated?” Then I spent a lot of time rewriting those exact emotions. It was so much fun and so much work and there were times, just like writing the novels, where I felt like pulling out my hair and or throwing my computer against a wall because it just wasn’t typing right…. I mean I can’t blame that on myself right?! I can’t wait to show you guys what I’ve been working on. I’ll put up small snippets of it soon!!!  PROMISE!!!!!  Until then….. this short little blot will have to do….  😉

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