It’s been so long since I wrote anything on here. I have a few short stories written and published here, I’ve been working on editing Dangerous Beauty, Behind Crossed Lines, and The Queen’s Portal/Malei/Untitled (depending on when you were following or reading) So tonight I just need to vent a little bit.
I’ve been working on Dangerous Beauty on and off since my oldest son was about 5 years old; he is now 16! It’s been a love/hate relationship, a time sucker, and an emotional rollercoaster. My characters have grown just as much as I have grown as a writer. I’m writing this now with a determination to finally publish this book.
I’ll tell you now, I gave up on this book so many different times. I pushed it to the side, thew ACTUAL hand written pages of it in the trash, and even tried deleting it from my computer. I absolutely LOVE and LOATHE this book. It’s literally the hardest thing I have ever written; but I realized something recently: WRITING IS THE EASY PART!
I can literally create an entire race of beings, full settings, entire worlds, rules, no rules, conflicts, and action out of thin air. My characters and descriptions are so believable I can actually dream about them, and I have! Writing was the easy part; publishing is the hardest thing I have ever tackled.
I have to come up with money to edit, money to publish, money to promote, and money to compensate for all the time I’m working on these books. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to write, I love to tell stories, and I love to entertain. I am just not the biggest fan of attempting to save money for all the other stuff.
I’ve had some other bumps keeping me from being able to raise the money too. I’m too shy (YES SHY) about asking for money to help out. People say “Oh just do GoFundMe or IndyGoGo or any other number of funding to help out” Ideally this would be great, but I honestly don’t even know where to start and feel bad asking about it. I mean I’m supposed to ask for help funding my project then ask you to put up MORE money to actually buy the book so I can make money? This doesn’t make sense to me… and it baffles me to no end.
Shyness and inability to know where to start aren’t the only things that have gotten in my way recently. Money has to go to so many places right now. Cars break down, house needs small repairs (LOTS OF SMALL REPAIRS) I have a teenager and a youngster that need clothes and shoes and school stuff and extra other little things, AND the kicker, medical bills.
In fact, it’s the reason behind those medical bills that got me back to writing. I recently had to have surgery for Thyroid Cancer. Cancer is the scariest word in the medical field, at least I think so. I was very lucky, they were able to do two different surgeries to remove my thyroid. I’m now waiting for the healing process so I can take one dose of a radioactive iodine pill to hopefully remove any remains of cancer cells. THEN it’s just LOTS of blood work to check my hormone levels and medicine everyday for the rest of my life. It’s a balancing act that can cause a lot of weird small problems that are easily fixed by adjusting the dosage of the medicine. Those of you that have had this done know what I’m talking about! While it was the easiest of the cancers to have, it’s still terrifying to be told “You have cancer”
So I got to thinking, I got lucky this time around. It was removable, I’ll survive this one. But WHAT IF there is a next time? WHAT IF something comes back or spreads? These are my NOW questions. I have these three books I’ve written and say “Sure I’ll get it published” but I guess I’ve just never motivated myself into doing it. I guess it’s a weird thing to be motivated by, but it’s what’s motivating me right now.
So I can say, with confidence, I WILL FIND A WAY to get this book in your hands! Right now I’m trying to find a way to get up some money to pay for the editing. So while I do that, I’m hoping to write a few more short stories and get them up here. I MAY even write some based on characters I already have in these books! So be looking for it!
Until next time!!!
Laughter, love, and hugs